What To Say and Not Say to Someone Struggling with Infertility
When I wanted to try for a baby I was super excited. I thought just toss out the birth control pills and next month I'd be pregnant. Almost two years later, after getting off birth control, I was pregnant. Like so many others, it wasn't that easy for me to get pregnant and it took going to an infertility doctor and trying several rounds of Clomid, IUIs and injectables before achieving my baby goal.
During this time, I received a lot of unsolicited advice, no advice and incorrect advice. In the spirit of helping others, I have some words of wisdom to the friends and family of others struggling to have a baby. Here is what to say and not to say to this person trying to conceive:
Silence is not golden: A lot of times people do not know what to say to someone struggling to have a baby so they don't say anything at all. From personal experience, this was hurtful. I would rather have people tell me they are there for me and not sure how they can help, than say nothing at all. Infertility can be lonely sometimes and its nice to know you have people to call or lean on if need be.
Haven't You Had Enough: I had people tell me I should just give up. Some others told me to look into adoption and surrogacy. In my mind, I was not opposed to these options, but I was not ready to throw in the towel of conceiving and carrying my own baby. Only the couple involved in the infertility situation can say when enough is enough.
First-Hand Advice is Appreciated: If you know someone else who was successful in getting pregnant after struggling with infertility or you were in the situation yourself, pass along any advice that worked. My realtor told me that she tried acupuncture and it worked for her. I thought this was interesting because I had never considered it as an option. I was willing to try anything to have a baby and conceived shortly after the acupuncture treatment. Whether it was the acupuncture that actually got me pregnant or not, it was helpful advice for my situation.
Too Many Questions: While it's important to be there for the person going through infertility, it's also important to not interfere too much. For me, I didn't want to tell my friends and family what cycle we were doing and what stage we were in because I had so many failed rounds. Failed rounds equaled disappointment for me and having people know where I was in the process and it not working out, made it worse to break the news to myself and everyone around me.
Thinking Outside The Box: I have a friend currently going through infertility while trying for a second child. Her doctor has her on a fairly strict diet so when she is over, I try and make sure I have food and drinks she can have. I also offer to watch her child when she and her husband need to make trips to the doctor for treatments. Even if you've never had infertility yourself or have no advice to give, the person going through it will appreciate you helping in other ways.
Are you currently struggling with infertility or know someone who is? What advice or tips do you have for friends and family? Please comment below and let me know your thoughts. Baby Dust to those who are currently trying!